The last few months have been full of adventures. I have been watching my little boy grow before my eyes and opening myself up to learning and growing experiences. I did say my year of maternity leave would also be a year of professional development. I have not been disappointed.
One of the aspects of life I have been learning is about the games and intrigues of others. Unfortunately, I have an ex who has been very trying in many ways. I have been trying to figure out to play the best hand in order to not lose everything. This is where I have been going oh so wrong; trying to play games that I do not understand nor do they naturally come to me. I have been seeing the counsellor we had gone to for couples counselling for help understanding the nature of things with my ex. A lot of it is manipulation games. I do not like those kinds of games at all. It feels like I have been transported onto a playing field where I do not know the rules or even recognize the area. My hands have been tied in knots because of that. Instead it occurred to me at 4am (after a wakeup by my son) that I instead can be the oak tree.
"I am like the oak tree: I will stand tall and strong, endure all , protect my loved ones and smile at the sun and clouds alike."
I like this. It deeply resonates with me. I figure that if I am the solid oak tree, I cannot be bent to manipulations. I will still seek information to better understand my environment and the people I have to deal with on a regular basis. As well as myself.
I also see my own counsellor. Every time I see her, I feel more sure of myself and my situation. I get to ask her the questions that help me understand better my own coping mechanisms and views on life. She has reinforced many times over that I am a very strong woman and very capable of anything. It feels like I have broken through a wall of plastic wrap finally. I am now at a place where I can break free of the ropes, fully believe and have faith in my abilities and spirit's will, and be proud of myself. I will not try to be someone I am not (that never, ever worked out well for me but lead to many lessons). Instead, I will always be true to myself. In that way, I will be true to my son.
